Hope

"Be in love with your life, every minute of it" -Jack Kerouac 

I hope you have had moments you know you can never recreate. Views you will never be able to fully capture, and Love you will never be able to adequately express. 

I hope you have lived BIG. Loved GREATLY. witnessed BEAUTY, and found yourself LOST in something. Lost in thought, lost in your environment, and lost in your dreams. 

I hope you have felt small surrounded by the beauty of open space. 

I hope you have felt appreciated and respected by your everyday actions. 

I hope you have felt powerful, strong and competent at some point in your life, and also vulnerable and in over your head. 

I hope you have grown. That you have looked at different perspectives, considered things you do not agree with, and made choices based on your own judgments. 

Lastly. I hope you LOVE. Love your life, love your adventures, love your family and friends, love your strengths, love your weaknesses, love how you have struggled and overcome, love who you are today, love who you will be tomorrow and love who you have already been. 

Found this from a restless night a while ago: 

I will always be someone who believes in a dream. Who believes in working for a passion not a paycheck. Who marvels at the beautiful places of this earth, and relishes in their solitude. I will strive to be kind, make moves that are bold, and shine no matter how dark the light. I will refuse to settle. I will be flexible without being taken advantage of; I will be strong without being arrogant. I will speak my mind when I have something to say, not when I want to say something. I will listen, I will laugh, and I will overextend myself. I will do all of these things because I am human and I am me. I will do these things because I know what the good life is and I do not ever want to be without.

Some people will always be searching..

Some people do not have to search -
they find their niche early in life and rest there, seemingly contented and resigned.
They do not seem to ask much of life,
sometimes they do not seem to take it seriously.
At times I envy them,
but usually I do not understand them -
seldom do they understand me.

I am one of the searchers.
There are, I believe, millions of us.
We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life,
hoping to uncover its ultimate secret.
We continue to explore ourselves,
hoping to understand.

We like to walk along the beach -
we are drawn by the ocean,
taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty.
We like forests and mountains, deserts and hidden rivers, and the lonely cities as well.

Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter.
To share our sadness with the one we love is perhaps as great a joy as we can know -
unless it is to share our laughter.

We searchers are ambitious only for life itself,
for everything beautiful it can provide.
Most of all we want to love and be loved.
We want to live in a relationship that will not impede
our wandering, nor prevent our search, nor lock us in prison walls.

We do not want to prove ourselves to another or compete for love.
We are wanderers, dreamers and lovers,
lonely souls who dare ask of life everything good and
beautiful.

- - James Kavanaugh

Be More

Sometimes you find yourself thinking:
Can I do more?
Can I give more?
Can I have more?
Can I see more? 

Can I be more? 

The answer will always be yes. 
We are capable of far more than we allow ourselves to think. 
We are bigger than we allow ourselves to dream. 
We are more than we allow ourselves to be. 

We can do more then we did the last time. 
We can give more then we have. 
We can have more then we need. 
We can see more then is shown and we can be more then we thought we were. 

It begins with believing in yourself even if no one else does. 
Taking action when others don't think its necessary. 
Inspiring when no one sees anything to believe in. 

It is about being more then you are. What you are is insignificant. What you could be is infinite. 

Grow... Never stop

I find myself in a familiar place. A place that I made my home a long time ago. A place that holds  more happy memories than any other, and has blessed my life with incredible people. I became who I'm in this place, and developed the courage to go after who I want to be. 

That courage took me to amazing places. It pushed me to my limits in more ways than I thought possible and it allowed me to be a part of yet another unexplainable community of people. 

As a travel through this world one state at a time I'm continually surprised by the community that I have been privileged to not only witness but be fully immersed in. Each time I leave a "family" of people I'm content with having that experience and also scared that I won't find it again. It's crazy to think that some people don't ever get to be a part of that and I have grown with several. All unique, all entirely their own. All living for who they are, and most importantly for who they want to be. 

I don't want to ever stop reaching towards who I want to be. That common theme may just be what creates those communities. 

Surround yourself with people who see more in themselves than just good. Who refuse to settle for what will keep them content, but will challenge themselves for what will keep them growing. 
Be strong and supportive, be responsible and reckless, take chances, allow mistakes, refuse to be bored, love and be loved, laugh and cry preferably at the same time, and never stop growing. 

In who you are, and in who you think you can be. 

"The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be"
        -Emerson

6 Weeks

6 WEEKS


6 weeks left of wearing the "A" I have worn in pride, tears, happiness and growth for the past 2 years. 
6 weeks left of living on the 3rd floor of Colorado heights University with 35 of the most courageous,self-less, and strong people I have come to know. 
6 weeks left to find a job that allows me to feel purposeful each day and at the same time challenged and comfortable. 
6 weeks to find a new community.
6 weeks to process all that has impacted me the past 2 years, and to fully allow it to change me. better or worse. 
6 whole weeks to find where I will go next. What I will pursue. 
6 weeks to close this part of my life and move onto something more, something bigger, something of progress. 


I worry I won't be able to find something bigger. Something more challenging. Or something that will affect me as much as wearing this green shirt has for so long. I'm afraid of ending up as one of those people who goes to work and then lives their life. I don't want to exist in what I do, I want to live during it. I want to believe in what I do, and how I do it. 


I know that in 6 weeks I'll have the answers. I hope they are the ones I want. 


"I don't want to be somebody who can't live up to what I've already done"
       -Brett Dennen 

Its all worth it..

The days are getting longer, sun shining brighter, almost time for sandals again! There is something I love about being able to never have to put on real shoes, and go running at 7pm and still have day light :) I'm definitely a happier person in the spring/summer/fall. Winter has its beauty, and snow is fun but sunlight is better.. 


Along with longer days also means that its almost spring. Spring means shuffle round! Time for me to see if I can still handle the field Team Leader life. Starting in March I'll get to leave the desk life, my little room all to myself, and abundance of personal time to lead a team of 10 great individuals in Boulder CO. I'm not traveling too far, but I'm excited to explore Boulder more and get to live with a house of people once again. 


The possibilities of a fresh start, a new team of people and the ability to be a part of creating something that could change all of us forever is an amazing opportunity. I'm looking forward to building on what I learned from last year, growing with the new people that will surround me and also finding a comfort in having friends close by in Denver. Overall I feel very blessed. 

"Months ago I would have told you life was about doing, about jumping through religious hoops, about impressing other people. My actions would have told you this is done by buying possessions or keeping a good image or going to church. I don't believe that anymore. I think we are supposed to stand in the deserts and marvel at how the sun rises. I think we are supposed to love our friends and introduce people to the story, to the peaceful calming why of life. I think life is spirituality."  -Donald Miller

Never stop marveling at simple happiness... 

Change with yourself...

Restless... 
I have been through a mix of emotions and thoughts this past couple months. Excitement to return to something so unique, so life changing, to struggle, to grow, to be better. I have touched on some of those things in my return to NCCC, but haven't come close to what I was able to experience in the past.


Stagnant...
I go through each day laughing, smiling, and enjoying where I'm. I do not struggle, I do not feel overwhelmed, or like my presence is impacting others. I associate this place, and this experience with feeling a growth in myself and those around me. I no longer feel that.


Moving...
I have never returned to the same adventure twice before this year. I have gone on to something new, something that is a next step. Something that challenges and inspires me more than what I did before.I have been incredibly blessed to have always found something more. Overall I'm content with this year. Its easy, I'm responsible for only myself, and I'm able to to be selfish. 
What if being content is not enough? 


Searching...
I'm now looking past the next 7 months, and onto a new adventure. I'm scared that I won't find something that fulfills me the way last year did. At the same time I'm afraid of failing. Of not being able to create an experience that impacts not only myself but those around me. Of not being able to be a part of something much larger than you or me. What if eventually there is no next step? What if I'm searching for something that I have already been a part of? What if that's all their is? 


Hoping...
I believe that my past can be repeated. Maybe with new people, new places, new adventures and experiences. This incredible journey that I have lived the past 25 yrs is not over. It has not slowed down. It has not had the best yet. I will find something more. I will find what comes next. I will continue to take the best parts of my past with me, while mixing them with the most exhilarating moments of my future. I will once again find that perfect balance between failure and success. Happiness and Sorrow, contentment, and struggle. Challenge and ease, praise and  correction. 


I may never be able to stop searching.I may never want to be content. I may never want to stop improving who I'm, or marveling in where I find myself.