Hope

"Be in love with your life, every minute of it" -Jack Kerouac 

I hope you have had moments you know you can never recreate. Views you will never be able to fully capture, and Love you will never be able to adequately express. 

I hope you have lived BIG. Loved GREATLY. witnessed BEAUTY, and found yourself LOST in something. Lost in thought, lost in your environment, and lost in your dreams. 

I hope you have felt small surrounded by the beauty of open space. 

I hope you have felt appreciated and respected by your everyday actions. 

I hope you have felt powerful, strong and competent at some point in your life, and also vulnerable and in over your head. 

I hope you have grown. That you have looked at different perspectives, considered things you do not agree with, and made choices based on your own judgments. 

Lastly. I hope you LOVE. Love your life, love your adventures, love your family and friends, love your strengths, love your weaknesses, love how you have struggled and overcome, love who you are today, love who you will be tomorrow and love who you have already been. 

Found this from a restless night a while ago: 

I will always be someone who believes in a dream. Who believes in working for a passion not a paycheck. Who marvels at the beautiful places of this earth, and relishes in their solitude. I will strive to be kind, make moves that are bold, and shine no matter how dark the light. I will refuse to settle. I will be flexible without being taken advantage of; I will be strong without being arrogant. I will speak my mind when I have something to say, not when I want to say something. I will listen, I will laugh, and I will overextend myself. I will do all of these things because I am human and I am me. I will do these things because I know what the good life is and I do not ever want to be without.

Some people will always be searching..

Some people do not have to search -
they find their niche early in life and rest there, seemingly contented and resigned.
They do not seem to ask much of life,
sometimes they do not seem to take it seriously.
At times I envy them,
but usually I do not understand them -
seldom do they understand me.

I am one of the searchers.
There are, I believe, millions of us.
We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life,
hoping to uncover its ultimate secret.
We continue to explore ourselves,
hoping to understand.

We like to walk along the beach -
we are drawn by the ocean,
taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty.
We like forests and mountains, deserts and hidden rivers, and the lonely cities as well.

Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter.
To share our sadness with the one we love is perhaps as great a joy as we can know -
unless it is to share our laughter.

We searchers are ambitious only for life itself,
for everything beautiful it can provide.
Most of all we want to love and be loved.
We want to live in a relationship that will not impede
our wandering, nor prevent our search, nor lock us in prison walls.

We do not want to prove ourselves to another or compete for love.
We are wanderers, dreamers and lovers,
lonely souls who dare ask of life everything good and
beautiful.

- - James Kavanaugh

Be More

Sometimes you find yourself thinking:
Can I do more?
Can I give more?
Can I have more?
Can I see more? 

Can I be more? 

The answer will always be yes. 
We are capable of far more than we allow ourselves to think. 
We are bigger than we allow ourselves to dream. 
We are more than we allow ourselves to be. 

We can do more then we did the last time. 
We can give more then we have. 
We can have more then we need. 
We can see more then is shown and we can be more then we thought we were. 

It begins with believing in yourself even if no one else does. 
Taking action when others don't think its necessary. 
Inspiring when no one sees anything to believe in. 

It is about being more then you are. What you are is insignificant. What you could be is infinite. 

Grow... Never stop

I find myself in a familiar place. A place that I made my home a long time ago. A place that holds  more happy memories than any other, and has blessed my life with incredible people. I became who I'm in this place, and developed the courage to go after who I want to be. 

That courage took me to amazing places. It pushed me to my limits in more ways than I thought possible and it allowed me to be a part of yet another unexplainable community of people. 

As a travel through this world one state at a time I'm continually surprised by the community that I have been privileged to not only witness but be fully immersed in. Each time I leave a "family" of people I'm content with having that experience and also scared that I won't find it again. It's crazy to think that some people don't ever get to be a part of that and I have grown with several. All unique, all entirely their own. All living for who they are, and most importantly for who they want to be. 

I don't want to ever stop reaching towards who I want to be. That common theme may just be what creates those communities. 

Surround yourself with people who see more in themselves than just good. Who refuse to settle for what will keep them content, but will challenge themselves for what will keep them growing. 
Be strong and supportive, be responsible and reckless, take chances, allow mistakes, refuse to be bored, love and be loved, laugh and cry preferably at the same time, and never stop growing. 

In who you are, and in who you think you can be. 

"The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be"
        -Emerson

6 Weeks

6 WEEKS


6 weeks left of wearing the "A" I have worn in pride, tears, happiness and growth for the past 2 years. 
6 weeks left of living on the 3rd floor of Colorado heights University with 35 of the most courageous,self-less, and strong people I have come to know. 
6 weeks left to find a job that allows me to feel purposeful each day and at the same time challenged and comfortable. 
6 weeks to find a new community.
6 weeks to process all that has impacted me the past 2 years, and to fully allow it to change me. better or worse. 
6 whole weeks to find where I will go next. What I will pursue. 
6 weeks to close this part of my life and move onto something more, something bigger, something of progress. 


I worry I won't be able to find something bigger. Something more challenging. Or something that will affect me as much as wearing this green shirt has for so long. I'm afraid of ending up as one of those people who goes to work and then lives their life. I don't want to exist in what I do, I want to live during it. I want to believe in what I do, and how I do it. 


I know that in 6 weeks I'll have the answers. I hope they are the ones I want. 


"I don't want to be somebody who can't live up to what I've already done"
       -Brett Dennen 

Its all worth it..

The days are getting longer, sun shining brighter, almost time for sandals again! There is something I love about being able to never have to put on real shoes, and go running at 7pm and still have day light :) I'm definitely a happier person in the spring/summer/fall. Winter has its beauty, and snow is fun but sunlight is better.. 


Along with longer days also means that its almost spring. Spring means shuffle round! Time for me to see if I can still handle the field Team Leader life. Starting in March I'll get to leave the desk life, my little room all to myself, and abundance of personal time to lead a team of 10 great individuals in Boulder CO. I'm not traveling too far, but I'm excited to explore Boulder more and get to live with a house of people once again. 


The possibilities of a fresh start, a new team of people and the ability to be a part of creating something that could change all of us forever is an amazing opportunity. I'm looking forward to building on what I learned from last year, growing with the new people that will surround me and also finding a comfort in having friends close by in Denver. Overall I feel very blessed. 

"Months ago I would have told you life was about doing, about jumping through religious hoops, about impressing other people. My actions would have told you this is done by buying possessions or keeping a good image or going to church. I don't believe that anymore. I think we are supposed to stand in the deserts and marvel at how the sun rises. I think we are supposed to love our friends and introduce people to the story, to the peaceful calming why of life. I think life is spirituality."  -Donald Miller

Never stop marveling at simple happiness... 

Change with yourself...

Restless... 
I have been through a mix of emotions and thoughts this past couple months. Excitement to return to something so unique, so life changing, to struggle, to grow, to be better. I have touched on some of those things in my return to NCCC, but haven't come close to what I was able to experience in the past.


Stagnant...
I go through each day laughing, smiling, and enjoying where I'm. I do not struggle, I do not feel overwhelmed, or like my presence is impacting others. I associate this place, and this experience with feeling a growth in myself and those around me. I no longer feel that.


Moving...
I have never returned to the same adventure twice before this year. I have gone on to something new, something that is a next step. Something that challenges and inspires me more than what I did before.I have been incredibly blessed to have always found something more. Overall I'm content with this year. Its easy, I'm responsible for only myself, and I'm able to to be selfish. 
What if being content is not enough? 


Searching...
I'm now looking past the next 7 months, and onto a new adventure. I'm scared that I won't find something that fulfills me the way last year did. At the same time I'm afraid of failing. Of not being able to create an experience that impacts not only myself but those around me. Of not being able to be a part of something much larger than you or me. What if eventually there is no next step? What if I'm searching for something that I have already been a part of? What if that's all their is? 


Hoping...
I believe that my past can be repeated. Maybe with new people, new places, new adventures and experiences. This incredible journey that I have lived the past 25 yrs is not over. It has not slowed down. It has not had the best yet. I will find something more. I will find what comes next. I will continue to take the best parts of my past with me, while mixing them with the most exhilarating moments of my future. I will once again find that perfect balance between failure and success. Happiness and Sorrow, contentment, and struggle. Challenge and ease, praise and  correction. 


I may never be able to stop searching.I may never want to be content. I may never want to stop improving who I'm, or marveling in where I find myself. 

Word on the street its 2012

2011 was great. It was filled with travel, new friendships, experience, struggle, growth, and success.


Let's see if 2012 can keep up. I'm not
Going to make a resolution list because I don't feel I need to change anything from 2011 I simply want to add onto all my adventures and dreams that I have already been lucky enough to have completed.


Here is a list of everything I want to accomplish in 2012.


-have a real job for a while. Not one that ends at a certain time or is weird to try and explain exactly what I do. One that lasts until I quit and that is an easy explanation. And I would like to enjoy going to work. Maybe not everyday but most days.


-I want to run another half-iron man and at least one half-marathon.


-I want to travel out of the country. Destination to be determined.


-I want to take a trip with some of my friends from college.


-I want to have a place to decorate.


-I want to smile everyday


-I want to feel stronger, and stay active.


-I want to establish a life in Denver while not serving in AmeriCorps. 


-I want to live somewhere where I have a porch to sit on. 


-I want to run almost everyday.


-I want to live with friends. 


I will be continually adding to this list throughout the year, and hopefully checking things off. Here is to 2012 filled with new memories, friendships, experiences and opportunities. 

Keep a SMILE on your face.

My goal will always be to keep a smile on my face. Life is much better that way. 

Class 18

I once again find myself in Denver, in my dorm room (a little more home looking this time), and with an incredible group of people. Its strange how so much can be the same, and yet can also feel so different. I'm trying not to compare this year to last year. To not compare people from this class to last. I'm trying to start over an experience I have already been through which is a strange feeling. I'm excited to get to be  a part of Class 18, and to see how this group of TL's forms together. I'm also trying to establish more of a real life for myself this year. Attempting to do things not always involving the "A", and slowly adjust to maybe not being with at least 10 other people all the time. This is not an easy task for me. I'm someone who thrives in community. Someone who easily gives all of themselves to a particular group or experience. This year, I want to balance that with also giving to myself. I hope to be able to take what I have learned from last year and be better this year. I hope to remember my adventures and people from last year but move forward with new ones for this year. Here is to another year representing AmeriCorps NCCC, and getting to be  a part of a incredible team of green shirts. Its only the beginning, but the places, and people we are going to effect will move us through this year faster than we think. 


"The best journeys ask the question's that in the beginning we didn't even think to ask" 

What happend when you return to civilization and are not prepared!

RECENT TRIP TO FLAGSTAFF: 

Hotel Room: $70.00

Shower Fee for being in Hotel Room: $20.00 


Sleeping in Van at Wal-Mart parking lot: FREE


Step Brothers Movie Viewing in Van while parked at Wal-Mart: $8.00


Police Called on You for having people visit your room by crazy hotel lady: $pain in the ass


Grocery Store Dinner for 10 people: $80.00


A much needed adult beverage: $6.00 
 
Learning how to successfully be homeless and have fun: PRICELESS 


Oh, and we also got to see the Grand Canyon!

 ITS VERY LARGE!

Building Trails and sleeping under the stars!

Sun One (and myself) have been in the Arizona area working for the Grand Canyon Trust for about 3 weeks now. The project we have been working on (and have recently completed) was constructing/renovating the Maze Trail. A trail in the Vermilion Cliffs that brought people to a site that petroglyphs could be viewed. The entire trail was about a mile in length. The section we were renovating was probably 170 feet. We created switch backs, and stone steps and erosion control walls. We used muscle and rock bars to move boulders from around the area and place them on the trail as needed. It was incredibly rewarding work because you were able to see the progress and progression each day. While completing this project the team had a base camp about 2 miles away at the state-line campground. We were happy to set up our "tent city" once again and hoped for less windy conditions that at 2 mile base camp the previous week. Chasing tents through the night is not as fun as it sounds! We didn't end up chasing tents, however we did end up searching for warmth. Towards the middle of the week we were faced with Sunshine, Sleet, Rain, Snow, and Hail. Sometimes all of those things in one day! The team continued to work to complete the trail despite the weather and would retreat to campfires and warm food each night. It was a struggle to stay dry and warm for multiple days of bad weather but our last day the sun came out SHINING and helped to perk of the team's spirits and dry our clothes. Below are some pictures of the trail we worked on and camp before and after the weather :) 

 We are all still smiling at the end of our 2nd week of work and looking forward to the next! We will be backpacking into the Paria canyon to remove an invasive species called Tamarisk. This project has been incredible so far and the Grand Canyon Trust have been amazing sponsors. What a great experience! Start looking forward to more updates from the next portion of our journey :) 

 

Walking towards Canyons..

My time in Oklahoma has come and gone. Never thought I would say this, but the last 2 months have been some of the most enjoyable within the past couple years. I'm reminded everyday how perfect this lifestyle is for me. It fulfills me each day, and the laughter overcomes the struggles each and everyday. I once again have been blessed with working with incredible people. People who I have been told to lead and who in turn have taught me so many things. I have grown through this experience. It has shown me my strengths and confirmed my weaknesses. I now get to move on to far bigger and not better but new things. I will be traveling to Arizona to camp and backpack in the Paria Canyon working for the Grand Canyon Trust. I can't tell you how happy I'm to once again return to a life of simplicity. My Tent, my backpack, my journal, and my hammock. This experience will be lived with a new team of people. I will get to once again build a team, a task that I'm incredibly happy to take on. Seeing a group of strangers come together as a whole is an amazing thing to witness and have a hand in creating. This whole AmeriCorps chapter has really opened my eyes to what makes me happy. I love creating and living in community. If I can find someway to continue to do that for an extended period of time I will be completely content.

Escapement to the mountains.

 I escaped for the weekend to the Ozark Mountains in Arkansas. It's those moments that I have to think about where I'm and what I'm doing. I never thought that I would be vacationing to Arkansas in my life, or that I would be where I'm at this moment. When I think about those recent happenings it makes me smile. I was able to explore a place that in other circumstances I would never have found myself. The weekend was spent with some other Team Leaders in the OK/AR Area hiking, hot tubing and talking about AmeriCorps and our teams. It was great to talk about different struggles and triumphs on our individual teams and to get alternative perspectives on situations. Lastly, it was kind of a confirmation for me how lucky I have been, and how great of an experience this whole thing has been. In a couple weeks I will know where I'll be going for 3rd round. It amazes me how fast time has gone by since I joined AmeriCorps and started projects with my team. The phrase "Time flies when your having fun" is really true. Perhaps that is why it seems the past 6 yrs of my life have passed in a blink. I have had incredible amounts of fun in those past 6 yrs. I'm hoping to spent 3rd round in a remote location doing something environmental. It is those kinds of projects that I feel most fully alive. It brings me to a place where I feel like I'm doing the most simplistic kind of good. It is in those locations that I can really focus on the impact that we are making and the relationships that are being created, mended, and impacted daily. 

“I see my path, but I don't know where it leads. Not knowing where I'm going is what inspires me to travel it.”

   -Roasalia de Castro

Laughter: It radiates through you

I have realized the past couple weeks that I'm extremely blessed. I'm so happy with my current position in life. Exploring, meeting new people and impacting those around me. I never want to be someone un-happy with where they are. Feeling alone though surrounded by others. I never want to go a day without smiling. Laughter is what carries me through life. It's the joy that pushes me to strive for things that I want. Its what makes me feel alive. I never want to get too old or "busy and important" to forget to laugh at myself. 


I laugh at myself several times a day and it is exhausting, but totally worth it. 

AmeriLife Round 2:

        It seems that my crew will be moving to Oklahoma City to work with Habitat For Humanity for next round... Going to make sure we visit the worlds largest ball of TWINE :)

AmeriLife Round 1:

I find myself surrounded by beauty everyday, working with my hands outside in the mountains. Leading 10 individuals who are incredible on their own and as a group ridiculous. Some pics of my current home until Dec 16th when I move to somewhere new. 

 

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I didn't have a single bit of talent left, and could say "I used everything you gave me"

I'm ready to impact the world- one person at a time. 
I'm determined to always give the best that I have, even when I don't know if there is anything left. 
I want to enjoy simplisity. 
I strive to find meaning in things that seem meaningless. 
I long to accomplish things that are difficult and choose to do them again. 
I want to pursue my faith even when I'm confused. 
I reach into myself for strength to give to others.
I want to remember that even when I feel alone I'm not. 
I hope to never forget that my life has been blessed with incredible people and amazing adventures that have shaped who I'm and where I find myself today.

You may be completely content where you find yourself

You may know that you are exactly where you need to be

Yet you may still feel that something is missing...

When you have had GREAT, good just doesn't always compare.

Exactly where I need to be is where I find myself.