Life's Soundtrack...

Today I was within myself. I spent hours walking, thinking, but mostly watching the world move around me. I realized that usually I'm too much in a rush to put music on during my daily routines. Today I spent the whole time with headphones in my ear and it allowed me to detach myself from what was around me, and think solely of myself. I let myself be selfish. I thought, and I thought and came up with no grand plan for my life. I just simply existed, and today I was ok with that. I found myself saying a prayer in the grove city laundromat, and it felt natural, and purposeful. I feel completely lost with myself right now, and those around me. I'm un-sure of everything past tomorrow, but I'm trying everyday to truly be ok with that.
Today I shopped for insurance.. I don't think I was aware how scared, and thrilled I feel about really being done with this chapter of my life. I hope to take parts of it with me. I have committed to this place until Aug,and feel good about that, but also like I should have fled somewhere else. Perhaps I'm staying not because everything I need is here, but because everything else out there scares me. What if I leave and nothing is here to return to? At times I see myself driving out west to a cute town and simply staying. It seems like a great idea until I realize that I would be alone. I don't want to be alone. I would much rather walk side by side someone else.


"You're a big girl now, got your big shoes
and you're running around with big girl blues
and I know you don't doubt yourself anymore
no, when you feel like leaving, walk out the door
and I bet you ain't got nothin left to learn
it's better that way cause you never get burned
and you try not to think about what might have been
cause you know this town is just sink or swim"
-Joe Purdy