AmeriLife Round 2:

        It seems that my crew will be moving to Oklahoma City to work with Habitat For Humanity for next round... Going to make sure we visit the worlds largest ball of TWINE :)

AmeriLife Round 1:

I find myself surrounded by beauty everyday, working with my hands outside in the mountains. Leading 10 individuals who are incredible on their own and as a group ridiculous. Some pics of my current home until Dec 16th when I move to somewhere new. 

 

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I didn't have a single bit of talent left, and could say "I used everything you gave me"

I'm ready to impact the world- one person at a time. 
I'm determined to always give the best that I have, even when I don't know if there is anything left. 
I want to enjoy simplisity. 
I strive to find meaning in things that seem meaningless. 
I long to accomplish things that are difficult and choose to do them again. 
I want to pursue my faith even when I'm confused. 
I reach into myself for strength to give to others.
I want to remember that even when I feel alone I'm not. 
I hope to never forget that my life has been blessed with incredible people and amazing adventures that have shaped who I'm and where I find myself today.

You may be completely content where you find yourself

You may know that you are exactly where you need to be

Yet you may still feel that something is missing...

When you have had GREAT, good just doesn't always compare.

Exactly where I need to be is where I find myself.

Walking Forward

My time left in Slippery Rock is starting to slip away. In a week I will be moving out of my classy trailer home, in 2.5 weeks I will be hopefully crossing off one of my life list items (complete a half-iron man) and in 4 weeks I will be packing up my life and flying to Denver Colorado to start my new job working for AmeriCorps. Its crazy to think that I will be leaving Slippery Rock without a designated time to come back. That everything I have created and accumulated the past 5 years is being packed up and removed from this place. The past couple months my future plans have greatly changed, and I have come to realize that life is way to short to be worried about messing up sometimes, or disappointing, or being scared. I have become a stronger me. I may not always make the right choice, or do the perfect thing but at the end of the day its me.. Strengths and weaknesses. Tested everyday. 

 

Easy living


Simple days


Happiness in the little things. 




I have decided that is how life is meant to be lived.

Moving On....

It seems that I will finally be leaving slippery rock in September. Not just for the summer, or for a break but indefinitely which feels weird. It has become more of a home to me the last 5 yrs then any other place has been. My tiny trailer, my crazy job, my friends, and living companions have been a constant for me for so long that it seems strange to be leaving without knowing when I will return. I'm extremely excited to be working for AmeriCorps in Denver and surrounding areas. Traveling, meeting new people, and growing both personally and professionally. It has all fallen together almost effortlessly and I take that to mean something. I see that as this is something I was meant to do, the next step for my life. Who knows what the purpose will end up being, or what I will take from this experience, or what I will be able to give? I know that it was a needed step for me to take. It was time for me to move from what is comfortable to something scary, something challenging. Something that is entirely mine...

Slippery Rock has forever changed my life...
The community it has brought together will forever be in my heart.

I was blessed to be a part of a rare happening. To be a part of something bigger then any of us were aware of. Fortunate enough to feel a belonging that is impossible to describe.

Here is to friends weddings, new jobs, graduates, moving, traveling, and mostly to growing up... 

I'm a traveler of life looking for somewhere to go..

David Wilcox- Break in the Cup

I try so hard to please you
To be the love that fills you up
I try to pour on sweet affection,
But I think you got a broken cup.
Because you can't believe I love you
I try to tell you that there is no doubt,
But as soon as I fill you with all I've got
That little break will let it run right out.

I cannot make you happy.
I'm learning love and money never do
But I can pour myself out 'til I'm empty
Trying to be just who you'd want me to.
But I cannot make you happy
Even though our love is true
For there's a break in the cup that holds love
Inside of you.

Now I begin to understand you
As you explain this fear you feel.
It's when you see me fall into that sorrow
it makes you doubt the love is real.
'Cause the lonely wind still blows through me
I turn away so can't see
But now how could I still be so empty
With all the love that you pour on me.
I guess you cannot make me happy
That's a money back guarantee.
But you can pour yourself out 'til you're empty
Trying to be just who I'd want you to be.
You cannot make me happy
It's just the law of gravity
And that break in the cup that holds love,
Inside of me.

So if you're tempted to rescue me
Drowning in this quicksand up to my neck
Before you grab my hand to save me
Why don't you ask me if I'm finished yet.
Because you cannot make me happy
Not when I'm empty inside of me

But you can pull yourself right in here with me
My misery'd love to have your company.
We cannot trade empty for empty
We must go to the waterfall
For there's a break in the cup that holds love,
A break in the cup that holds love,
A break in the cup that holds love,
Inside us all. Inside us all.

Crashing

This past week I have felt part of my life become turned upside down. I have cried more then I ever have before. I have also been reminded that my life has obviously been incredible if this is the reason I have cried the most in the past 23 years. I'm truly blessed.
Maybe everyone needs something in their lives to remind them that they are human, and that they are weak. That they are flawed in some way. With those tears I shed my weaknesses. I shed my insecurities. Now I only have myself left, and I'm happy with who that is.

Last night I saw a movie w/ some friends that is supposed to awaken tears from any women. Since I have been known to cry during a full house episode I figured I would be a goner. The weird thing was I didn't shed a single tear.. Perhaps I don't have any left?

There is nothing I can do but be myself, and nothing I can say except the truth. I have and will continue to Pray to a God that I'm continually learning about, and slowly beginning to know more and more.

I hope that it's enough.

I don't know how I will feel when its over. Perhaps it's already too late.

Open Table

I have begun to read this book called "The Open Table" it's more a workbook type of reading by Donald Miller one of my favorite authors. Each chapter or session is several pages of passages and writings from the author and then he poses questions that make you really look into your own faith, your beliefs, your past, present and future. I have been answering these questions in the margins of the book with a spectacular pen that makes you want to fill pages with words. I have decided that I would like to post some of those questions here for me to respond to. I always write more and elaborate on my thoughts when I'm able to type instead of write with my own hands. This generation has created that in me I suppose.  Anyway, some of the first questions that this book asks you to think about are "Do you think God likes you". Of course we know that God loves you with all his heart but does he like the person you are?   The same goes with people in our lives. We love people unconditionally because of who they are, and because of the relationship we have with them. That doesn't always mean that we like them at that moment. We can love a person without liking their actions. We can love a person for who we know they are, and who they can be without liking the person they are acting out in daily life.

-me

Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed.
              - Corita Kent

Every moment in life happens for a reason. :)

I'm afriad that all that I have is not enough.

That I want more from you then you can give.

I don't want to give up, but don't want to give in.

It seems I have come to a gap and struggle with the idea of leaping.

Leaping away from you...

People who come alive in who they are create the world.

"Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

I can't tell you where I heard this quote, how I found it, or who wrote it. I can however say that it says so much to me in so few words. Lately I see God leaving me little messages in my everyday life that relate so much to what I have been feeling the past couple weeks. This quote reminds me that God doesn't want you to do something because you feel like it, and live out your life as half of the person you could have been. God wants you to be everything you are, and everything you have the potential to be. You are able to make the biggest difference in your lifetime as the true you.

I have been thinking of what to do with my life once August hits. I feel that I need to give myself a deadline for the job that I have now, and the life that I'm leading. It's not that I'm not happy now, but I'm not as happy as I could be. I'm not living each day as a person who has come alive in who they are. I'm desperately trying.

Growing Up, Moving Forward

With each year I realize more about myself. I have taken the last week of somewhat solitude to read and think about what I want out of this life, and what I'm giving to others. I just finished reading "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan and it really got me thinking about what we give to this world. What our existence does for others? How we need to place our trust in God to help guide our lives. That when we find ourselves lost God will help us to find where we need to go.

In my own life I have concluded that I have never truly put my life in God's hands. That even though I have taken chances in my life, and seen and been a part of some incredible things I have always had a back-up-plan. I have never let myself be completely unsure if I could help it, and when I'm It terrifies me. I need to learn to completely trust in God. To be willing to not have a back-up-plan.

Why put things off that I have wanted to do? Why wait to give until I feel I have excess? I have been given incredible blessings and want to make the most of them in every possible way. I don't want to look into the future at what I could have, while missing out on what I have at this moment.

"Live out in your daily life the love and obedience that God has asked of you"

"God created us in such a way that we need to struggle to stay alive" Gary Thomas- Sacred Marriage